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Brooke Hoehne

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Tiny but Fancy

February 26, 2017 Brooke Hoehne

I’m working on some crib research and Trever and I are on VERY different pages concerning the nursery.  Trever prefers wildly uncomfortable and very hip looking housing products. We recently switched out our metal wire chair for a wooden chair that is so deep it necessitates 3 pillows stacked against one another in order for one’s legs to make it to the ground.  Plus as an added bonus - the edge of the chair is a cornered piece of wood that is so sharp, if the chairs current resident doesn’t understand the need for said pillows they will have a very red and painful mark at the mid-point of their calf.  The cats don’t even like it and they like sleeping inside plastic bags. But daaamn if it doesn't look good in that space. It's like a piece of art, for looking not touching. 

I should have known this registry kerfuffle was coming.  When we got married we tried to register together and it was not cute. We weren’t that little engaged couple floating around West Elm squealing over our new home together. No, no, I was walking around trying to figure out what we needed (which was everything) while Trever gave a distracting background narrative the entire time, while constantly articulating the things he was convinced we did not need - not a big fan of clutter. 

It's all deja vu related to baby paraphernalia.  We apparently need 4 grey onesies, some diapers, and a crib (read: dresser drawer pulled out with some blankets). Trever does not feel ok with a chair that rocks, unless of course it’s Eames or some other painful hard material. He would also like to buy the IKEA crib, thus the debate.  I’m pretty sure it’s made from scrap wood and likely gives splinters to any unlucky passerby, one of whom will be our newborn baby.  As a note, I have put together enough IKEA products to know what they’re like when completed, many times they need to be propped against a wall for a source of support lest they collapse like a teetering jenga tower. Yes the ones I like range from $600-$1200, and yes she will not be in it THAT long, and yes that costs more than our bed, but the gold one is just so pretty.  No I don’t manage our budget, why do you ask?

Also I’m going to betray his trust and tell you about Trever's new inventions because I'm not overly concerned about you taking the idea.  You know the soundproof blankets made out of hazardous materials that they use on the walls in sounds studios? Well the world needs a baby version of these so parents can cover themselves and our crying babies on planes and it will silence the noise, potentially via suffocation but that will be left out of the marketing copy.  Also, a one day diaper.  When a child’s diaper needs changed parent need not remove soiled material, clean and replace, they just twist off the bottom of the diaper that contains waste and it will reseal the diaper (think diaper genie directly on baby bottom).

Who knows, maybe we’ll be millionaires off this one day. Ooooh, then maybe we can buy the fancy crib.

Also if you want to follow along on my shopping escapades, you can do so on MY CURATION LINK

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In Thoughts, Humor Tags nursery, baby, newborn, registry, humor
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