Someone asked me the other day if I align with my churches theology. It’s a question I would have loved a few years ago, like talking shop but in a weird Christian way. I would like to sparse out the details and feel my confidence (re: arrogance) expand as I filled the world with knowledge and nuance.
But I got asked this question and it gave me pause. I thought, I don’t know. I suppose I don’t think that much about it and also, I don’t care all that much. The answer is actually no, I probably have a pretty liberal view of theology, it’s the only way I could make my way back to faith. When my belief in God was de-constructed and I was in the process of deciding if I could believe in God again, I realized very early on that I could not believe in God in the same way I once did. If my only option was to believe with the same framework that my theology held then I would never be able to believe.
I was once told, choose the hills you want to die on and make them few.
So as I’ve made my way back into belief I have accepted and even celebrated that it looks different now. I have so little interest in defining theology and forming clear answers to the great religious debate. I found in my re-connection with God that I have so much space for mystery, for the unknown, for the nuance. I feel so little urging to clarify much of anything because truly, there is little to be found.
But I exist in a fairly conservative church. Albeit one that is good and making space for extensive types of people but still I function in a world of black and white and see so much grey. I exist that way completely in peace, I have no need to define much or change anyone to see through my lenses. It’s a waste of time. I find there is so much more we have in common that will take every bit of the rest of our lives to step into.
I am part of a small group that is doing its best to engage in missional issues of justice. We care about, or rather, would like to care about the least of these. So we’re making a concerted effort to talk about it, to engage in mission together, to continually remind ourselves and each other that this is our purpose. And to me, this matters, I’ll talk about that all day.
Theological debates however, I have such little interest. I read, I study, I question and I live in the world of Christian conversation and thought, but Lord help me if that ever keeps me from living life like a Christian with my community.
Because if it does, all that Christian thought has been wasted.
One of our greatest calls is to unity, if we missed that we’ve missed the point.